SAU Buzz

Senior Reflection

by Hannah Blaser
Posted on Apr 27, 2017

As my senior year comes to a close and I sit down to write this, I don’t really know what to say. I think not knowing has become a pretty consistent thing in my life. I don’t know where I’ll live after I graduate, what I’ll be doing, where I’ll be working, how I’ll pay for my loans or about a million other things that I think about every day.

There are moments where I feel really at peace with not knowing it all yet, where I tell myself that things will come in time, that it’s okay to take a moment to breathe after graduation. And there are moments where I find myself in an anxiety-driven sobbing session, because I have no clue what my future holds. These mood swings don’t change the facts, but they still both make appearances almost daily.

So while I don’t know what will happen in my life, I know what has happened up to this point. In my four years at St. Ambrose I have met some of the absolute best people in the world, and I don’t think that’s an exaggeration at all. I met all my closest friends my first two years here, and having so much time to change and grow up together has meant the world to me and helped these friendships grow stronger and closer than I could have imagined.

And as probably most college students at the end of their four years, I realize I have changed a lot since my freshman year. The way I see the world has changed, what I want to do with my life has changed and the things that I value have changed. I’m much more compassionate in my beliefs and in the way that I treat people than I was before. I’ve found things in books and classrooms and through talks with my professors that I’m interested in and that I hope to make a career out of. I value the things I own much less than I used to. My time and money and energy is more often spent on the people I love and places I want to go now.

Of course, some things about me may never change. I’m still quiet, sometimes to my detriment. I write more than I speak, and as a result I sometimes don’t speak loudly enough or clearly enough or often enough. I think the difference between me four years ago and me now on the topic of my quietness is that now I can speak, when I need to. Before, I was too shy to even speak in small groups in a classroom. Professors would tell me often that I needed to contribute more to class, but I found it nearly impossible. Now too, I don’t always see my quietness as a fault. Sometimes I think the time it takes me to find my words is a blessing, because it has saved me more than once from saying really awful things. I’m still impossibly stubborn at times. I still procrastinate all my most difficult homework until the last minute. I still don’t know much. But when I finish my last presentation and begin packing up my apartment, I’ll know some things-that I have people who are going to love me through all the not knowing, and that I’ve been so blessed throughout the last four years.